I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
