Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
