I'm really into asian looking animals
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
