bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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