so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
