So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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