He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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