We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize