I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
