Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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