when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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