Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
