new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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