I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
