sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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