Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
