Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
