Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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