I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
