Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
