That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
