I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
