so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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