TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
