everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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