wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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