he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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