Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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