so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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