No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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