i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
