you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
