Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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