i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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