please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
