I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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