Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we have pet lesbian snakes
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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