Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
soo... how was my night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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