$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
