everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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