so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
