She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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