literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
