i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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