I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
