Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
