Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
