I smell stomach acid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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