So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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