I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
