she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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