the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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