Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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