my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
