everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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