:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
