i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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