How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
