i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
