Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize