I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
