Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
