I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize