In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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