this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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